Day 67 (May 25): FOR DOMINIC CUMMINGS' EYES ONLY

The Scotsman view: This is why Dominic Cummings has to go | The ...NOTE: Please do not read this post if you are not Dominic Cummings, senior adviser to the Prime Minister. Please click away if you have made this mistake. If you are Dominic Cummings, please continue to read.

 Ha. I bet you, Dominic Cummings, expected something better when you clicked on this post. I don't know what kind of music you are into. Death... sounds? Death sounds. Are you into death sounds? It seems like you might be. In any case, I bet you didn't expect this.

That's right, you piece of shit, today's song of the day, just for you, is the Waluigi Pinball theme from Mario Kart DS. Waluigi, as everyone knows, is a horrible, defective man with not an inch of moral fibre, so this should signify the disdain I hold you in.

That's not to say you are Waluigi - you are far, far worse, for Waluigi at least has the integrity to be honest about his dreadful nature. But as you listen to this irritating, curdling arcade theme, I do hope you are filled with the devastating truth that you are a tiny, bald man who I hate. Never read my blog again, dickhead.

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